Saturday, December 15, 2012

F-F-F-Fa-La-La



Perhaps it is time for my admission: I do not like Christmas.

It wasn't always this way. I grew up in a family that looked forward to it with almost the same enthusiasm we had for summer. We didn't go gaga over gift giving, but we always received what we wanted (within reason) and occasionally it was something that took us completely by surprise, like the rather well-stocked miniature bake set I received one year (I still have the tiny muffin tin), and, later, the ice skates that did not turn me into Peggy Fleming but I had fun trying.

My enthusiasm might have waned during my first marriage. We had fun decorating the tree, but putting it up was something else altogether. I have no idea why we could not get that tree up without a fight breaking out, but it happened, without fail, for ten years. Even a concerted effort not to go there ended in failure. Fighting over a Christmas tree seems a bit oxymoronic (heavy on the moron), but I suppose it's time to let bygones be bygones. It took a while, but we are friends now. Perhaps because we no longer have to put up a Christmas tree together.

My second marriage fared only slightly better. We couldn't count on a fight for that occasion, they just showed up haphazardly and that's where the fun came in, the element of surprise. Eventually, my husband had the good sense to humor me until the deed was done (correctly, I might add), and the household was happy once again. And thus another ten years.

During my brief third try (if one could call it that), putting that tree up turned out to be one of the best parts of the marriage. JB wasn't much for celebrations and so he stayed out of my way. And that's how that worked, for two whole Christmases. One of the things that made it magical was I got to put up the tree in a large rounded corner of the arts and crafts bungalow we purchased right after our marriage. It was a gorgeous tree covered in purple and silver decorations with clusters of glass grapes, apples and pears wrapped in velvet, and all manner of bejeweled birds. Garlands of crystalline snowflakes graced the open stairs. Cool house, cool tree, short marriage. Still friends.


Now, it's not that I have come to dislike Christmas, I just don't see the point. It has veered so far from any original meaning it might have had that it's become a caricature of its original if not misguided intention. Yes, my children will come over and we will exchange simple, locally made gifts by folks like Cyrus Swan, a friend and local potter. My older son likes the occasional fancy cigar and so I sometimes contribute. Would it be wrong for me to say I like standing in a good-sized, walk-in humidor and picking them out for him? I suppose it would, but there it is. I never said I would make Mother of the Year, but my kids still like me and come around regularly, and that's a good thing. I like them, too. I like the people they are and I stake no claim on that outcome. They are who they are and that's that. They'll be over on Christmas Day.


Oh, alright, I suppose I could put up that little table tree I still have, with a few of the purple and silver decorations I saved from the house on River Street. I carted those fool things out to Santa Fe and back, so maybe they deserve to be reprised, just this once, and I might as well put on my Johnny Mathis Christmas CD ... excuse me for a minute while I pull this punch bowl out of the farthest corner of the cupboard, and maybe my mother's crystal candy dish. While I'm there might as well get out her Fiestaware gravy boat so I don't forget to use it. My god, she made good gravy ... I'm telling you, it's a vortex ...




The photograph is of the bicycle atop my garage for no discernible reason, but it was there when I arrived, complete with Christmas lights, and so it shall remain.

26 comments:

  1. It sounds like you have successfully banished that Christmas grinch for a little while, Teresa. Very satisfying post, and filled with things that made me smile, much needed today. Thank you. You have inspired me to send some smiles to someone somewhere. :-)

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    1. Banished might be strong, but I am trying... :) Glad I could bring a smile today. We could all use one.

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  2. I used to love Christmas as a child. Also as a teenager. Then I went off it a bit till our first child was old enough to appreciate it. And so on. What I am trying to say is that if kids are not involved, it is not so much fun. Just isn't. And it gets more commercial every year.

    Having said all that I have been to Germany and German speaking Switzerland the last 3 years in the run up to Christmas and they (and Austria) really do Christmas well. It isn't just a commercial feast but a lot of artistry goes into it too. But there again it reminds me of my childhood christmases though, the bit of my childhood that was spent in Germany. So I guess we come back to being a kid....

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    1. Hi Jenny, I always made Christmas nice for my sons, but never encouraged the Santa thing. They grew up okay. :) but, I can see where all the festivities there were quite a sight.

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  3. I wish you good luck in your struggle with Johnny Mathis and the Fiestaware.

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  4. Back when I was married, my husband always turned evil over the Christmas season, especially when it came to the tree. So, the kids and I started putting it up when he was gone. Even after thirty years, I still carry residual stress over the holidays from never having been able to do anything right.

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    1. Good lord, woman, clear that crap out Now. Start listing the things you do right and I bet you'll be at it for a couple of hours, easy, with a very long list.

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  5. Teresa, you have tapped into something here. This dichotomy of angry love underlies all of life ... You have profound in sight and the genius to hold the mirror so we may see ourselves ... The end of this post is particularly brilliant...

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  6. We have the perfect solution for Christmas. We leave. No sense decorating if we're gonna be gone right? Well, maybe a wreath on the front door, and one too many Christmas cookies. But now that you mention it i might have to find a little 12" tree for our teeny camper. And I have to listen to some Trans Siberian Orchestra.
    Really, really loud!

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    1. Can't. Stop. Laughing. Oh, thank you. I needed to laugh.

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  7. Sorry, but Johnny Mathis? Really?

    I have yet to succumb to the commercialization of Christmas and have not had a tree or even a wreath in years, but do enjoy a nice eggnog the night before and watching my brother get drunk the day of Christmas. Ah well, I'm not doing the cooking so I suppose it will be a good day in spite of myself.
    Your Christmas sounds so very wholesome Teresa and that is the way it should be in an ideal world.

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    1. I grew up in a house that liked him and that Christmas album isn't half bad. That man can sing. I don't know about "wholesome," but I'm going to make it a fun get-together for my boys.

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  8. Hej Teresa, just a few days ago my son said to me that considering all the post I wrote on my blog through the years about Christmas, people might think that my Christmas is filled with all the Christmas customs you might think of. It isn't! I do write about it because it's a good story and because people are very interested!

    My mother's family was religious and my mother was a pestilens around Christmas, she managed us all through Christmas and was the loveliest mother-soul - my father's family was mostly ateists, and he thought it was all commercial, but he tried to follow mother and be peaceful for the family's sake.

    When I grew up and had my own family I was still forced to follow my mother, or else she became SO sad. Oh my. I understand you. Even when she was at the old folk's home the last years of her life she talked about Christmas from the 1. of November. I had to decorate her little flat in the old folk's center and do a lot of things. I was nauseated but a good girl!

    Today I celebrate Chrismtas as quiet as possible and I'm so happy. Everyone is rushing about, and it is almost impossible to go shopping downtown, because there are big queues everywhere. The shopping waggons are overfilled and it takes such a long time.
    If my father saw me he would say "I told you so. It's commercial". Don't tell this to the people who read my Christmas posts. I won't destroy people's joy.

    There are old cosy Christmas customs I like. I have sorted them out and made them my own. There are some old songs and psalms and some beautiful classic music and so on. I'm not quite lost.
    I feel someone is pushing me now, but I don't believe in ghosts, although I also wrote some posts about them........

    And I don't feel it is wrong to wish people a Merry Christmas, Teresa, it is never wrong to send good wishes to people, but we don't call it Christmas here, we still use the pagan name JUL!

    Cheers to you and Buddy and have a good time and a lovely Christmas!

    Grethe ´)



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    1. Grethe, You cover the spirit and traditions of Christmas beautifully in your post, and you've shared your thoughts here so well. I really am grateful for them. It helps us all to know you even better and that's a very good thing! I love hearing about your life. And, no, it is never wrong to send good wishes to people, we all need the spirit of the season right now, and Pagan beliefs are nature based so Jul is fine by me, too. Hugs make good presents, even from a great distance, so a hug to you from me. And one from Buddy, too.

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  9. I loved the honesty of this beautifully written set of memories. And how you linked it to now. I felt a bit of Christmas cheer coming out like a water leaking out of a pretty vase at the end which somehow revealed your most well kept secret regarding this holiday.

    Despite my difficult childhood Christmas was the one time I remember as very happy as a child. Both of my parents kept it together. What ever made them tick stayed quiet. It was a family holiday and the one time I could count on everyone being in good spirits.

    I laughed when you wrote about putting up the Christmas tree. I could never seem to get ours straight and often swore at it as I struggled, laying on my back, fiddling with the stand trying to get it at a ninety degree angle to the floor. My wife used to tease me about my "Christmas cheer" which put things in perspective and returned my mood to good.

    Thanks Teresa, may you have a wonderful Christmas season.

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    1. I'm betting, Bill, everyone has their very own "putting up the tree tale" and it ain't pretty. :)

      Thanks for all the kind words. May you and Maureen have a wonderful Christmas with your boys.

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  10. My mothe knew she was dying at christmas time, so it makes me get really sad..we have hanukkah sort of I gather 8 tiny gifts for my hubbs, sending 8 cards in a big bundle for our only childs november 3rd birthday! other than that I don't get all into it, but I do have tons of campbells soup christmas ornaments and other ornaments, I just don't see the point with two cats that think they are their toys! But we do get out of the house for the few hours it is lights, walk and enjoy the coming winter solstice, since we only get a few days of sunshines here and anykind of blue skies and actual heat, we take the time at the winter solstice to get up early to greet the day..to me a holiday should be all year long, as long as people are hungry, we volunteer at a food pantry, as long as people don't have jobs, what is christmas and the holidays, it is over 220days of inclement weather here and people who are planning to go insane do just that last tuesday at a mall about 10 minutes from our home a stone cold killer killed 2 wounded terribly another then shot himself, never left a note, nothing..live forever gone and one young gal damaged physically and mentally...I think one should be nice, kind loving and generous all year thru, being a hippie like person hubbs is to, one can find many reasons to love and care about one's fellow man, I know I do and so does my hubbs..Love your blog, happiest of christmases to you and your children, you are making a great effort to enjoy the winter solstice and making it nice for your boys, enjoy!

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    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and a very happy Solstice to you and hubbs. :)

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  11. I really don't know why I don't care for Christmas...we had nice ones as kids. Just more and more I do less and less and I like it that way. Merry Christmas to you, Teresa!

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    1. Merry Christmas to you. It sounds like we are on the same page. :)

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  12. I have mixed feelings about Christmas. I love getting together with family and friends, but hate that people will tramp others to death in the search for cheap electronics. I didn't put up a tree this year, (odd for me) but it hasn't seemed like Christmas, because of the unseasonably warm weather. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

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    1. Thanks for visiting, MIO. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you!

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  13. Hi Teresa,

    You seemed well on your way to getting into the spirit buy the end of the post. I enjoy the tree once it's up, but am less enthusiastic about decorating each year. It's easier when the children are young, but as they get older it becomes far less of a production.

    That was some streak you had with your first husband. There always seem to be certain hot-button issues/events with couples. Yours turned into a Christmas tradition. Relationships can be crazy like that sometimes -- I know.

    Merry Christmas!

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    1. There does, doesn't there, Ray? Yes, a Christmas tradition. :)

      Merry Christmas!

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