Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Turning the Day Around


Here I am, in Santa Fe, once again. This was my home for over seven years. Some of the most wonderful years of my life. I had arrived here, in the late fall of 2001, in a fog of emotions and with an empty gas tank. I had run out of gas, in every way, just before the first exit. How very fitting it was, looking back. My gas gauge had quit working shortly before embarking on my journey to a new life. I could usually go about three hundred miles on a tank. However, I failed to consider the wind outside Pecos and going through the canyon in the home stretch. I won't go into the details of finding a way out of my predicament. It involves a police cruiser, a gas station, and a taxi driver who also served as an angel. I was here and that's all that mattered; the Land of Enchantment, affectionately referred to by many as the Land of Entrapment.

This trip is about closing that chapter of my life. I made a decision, when I went home to Minnesota for a visit this past summer, to return to the place where I grew up and had lived most of my life. There was something about the lush greenery, lake after lake, and so many trees, that called me back. There was also this thing I call Inner Knowing, that Guidance that speaks to us from time to time, when we are willing to listen, giving us vital  information. I Knew I was supposed to return home. I have had no second guessing about that decision. That's the nature of Inner Knowing.

I woke up this morning in Santa Fe with a less than enthusiastic approach to the day. I was having trouble with the notion of giving even more of my stuff away and really getting down to bare bones, just keeping good old fashioned memorabilia. The things we can't do without. I felt discombobulated by the task before me. I could not seem to unwind my thoughts and get to a place of stillness. Then, just before going to the storage shed, my son called. We talked about things that brought perspective to my situation. He reminded me to just "glide through." Good timing, good visit.

Through the years I have owned a few homes and each time managed to go in with a rather light load, only to leave a few years later with rooms of stuff that I can't even recall when or how it arrived. It just seemed to accumulate without my consent or even being aware of it. And, yet, there it would be, waiting to see what I would do with it as I prepared to move again. Each time I gave much away, hoping some person or family would find some small bit of joy in my things and my things would enjoy their new homes. That's worked pretty well. I find I like giving stuff away. It's good to recycle and it's liberating, to boot. It brings with it a renewed sense of freedom. I can light out for the territory at a moment's notice. Have.

This time, it was the Salvation Army that got area rugs, vacuum cleaner, bedding, clothes, bric-a-brac and stuff like that. Everything fell into place at the storage shed. Like clockwork. Decisions made effortlessly. And it felt really good.

Now, I'm checking out the show times. I have some movie-going to catch up on before heading back to Minnesota. Pedro Almodovar's "Broken Embraces," with Penelope Cruz, of course, and "Crazy Heart," with the soon to be Oscar winner, Jeff Bridges. Jeff is one cool guy. Can't wait to see his tale of an almost broken man. I think, I hope, it involves redemption. I like stories where somehow, in some unexpected fashion, goodness finds a way.

Anne, my friend from Carson, called awhile ago and we chatted about our day, storage sheds, insights, and naps. It was nice.

Now, evening has fallen and there's a man outside my window quietly calling to his dog, Otis. My son's cat is named Otis. That feels nice, too. It feels peaceful. It feels right. It's been a really fine day.


There's never a shortage of angels in the city of Holy Faith.




Addendum: As it turns out, the main character in "Crazy Heart" is a man named Otis....








13 comments:

  1. How I envy your "Inner Knowing" and sense of peace at moving on. Shedding possessions is liberating but ambitious--and I'm not that energetic. Keep us posted on your new setting!

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  2. What a wonderful and beautiful post. Come to think about it, every time I comment here that's what I say! There is something about the way you write that just draws me in and wraps me in a blanket of love. I really needed to feel and hear your words this morning. Many blessings to you!

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  3. Lovely post, once again. Loved the gas tank analogy. I'm sure moving that distance was a huge undertaking.

    A long time ago I asked a friend of mine who owns a pool company why he didn't have a pool himself. He said because besides being a pain in the arse, possessions end up owning you. Very wise.

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  4. Thank you all, so much! Yes, there really is a feeling of freedom in lightening our load of possessions. There is also something nice about being surrounded by things we love, that represent our life, who we are here in this time. One of those Catch-22's.

    Sandi, you brought comfort to my morning, as well. Thank you.

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  5. A really complex post. It is good you were able to have the giveaway without lament, or much lament. You have good friends and family to talk to. I know the feeling of going to the shed or storage room or garage and doing what needs to be done. Your arrival years ago when you ran out of gas, living kind of on the edge of running on empty all the way down to SF, must of been....You've written what it was. How fragile our lives are, how strong our lives are; how empty, how full.

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  6. Yes, Jack. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

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  7. Welcome home to Minnesota! It really is a good place to live. I love traveling, though, and Santa Fe is one of my favorite places. There is nothing at all wrong with a nomadic lifestyle...I highly recommend it, in fact.

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  8. Cheryl, Welcome! So glad you're here. Love your blog...a very interesting and adventurous life you lead! I look forward to sharing our stories...

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  9. And, here I am, back in Santa Fe! Unfortunately, for just a vacation. I, too, live in MN, came to SF for the first time in 1984, attending a teachers' seminar at St. John's. I would have loved to have moved here permanently, but one makes compromises in a marriage. I must be satisfied with visits, now and then. We'll be here til the end of March, beginning of April. Visit my temporary blog, MySantaFe-Kate. Feel free to visit my Visual St. Paul blog, too, even tho it's temporarily idle while I'm here in SF. If you're still here, I'd love to meet you, if you have time. My email is on my profile.

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  10. Teresa, what beautiful, even haunting words you've written. Run out of gas...oh, how I felt your spiraled emotions. You have an intuitive way of knowing how to write what's inside the soul. I so look forward to your blog for you say so much I can relate to. Hugs!!

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  11. Kate, I'll be in touch!

    Kittie! Thank you So Much. Your latest blog is wonderful...

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  12. Teresa sweetheart, I so understand what you mean by just knowing where "home" is, even if it happens to change every 5-10 years. I've felt that pull back to MN just as strongly as I recently felt the pull to NM. I'm just sad that the one week you're down here, I have to have the Mother-Load of responsibilities dumped on me... Hopefully there'll be another time...? :( xoxo Kristy

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  13. Kristy, Yes, Absolutely there will be a next time and I look forward to meeting you then! It was a busy time for me as well. I still want to do the Ten Things...

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